Chugging Along

What is it about writing that so fascinates us?  I mean in the kind of way that a lot of people at least try it to a certain extent.  A lot of persons I know either write of did in their yoot (cousin Vinnie reference).  The thing is most people stop doing it.  And to be fair a lot of the time our literary attempts when we were younger are not exactly the best of out work, we all can’t be S.E. Hintons (outsiders reference).

Do i really need to actually point out the things I am referencing?    I have no idea.  Not like I have actual demographic data about all four people reading this drivel.   For all I know they are all well read sixty year olds……  Then again they could be bots.  In any case, I just like to ramble from time to time.

I’m still not sure what bug crawled up my ass to evoke my need to write again.  Not that it really matters.  I f I could pick one thing to actually learn about my writing though it would be want made it not as shit as it used to be.  I have always wanted to get back to writing since my yoot, but every time I tried I found it lacking, personally.  Then I would go back and read the bits of crap that I had kept from those long ago days.  They were bad, so further discouragement.

Along the way though something clicked.  Was it experience?  Was it pages and pages of professional writing?  No clue.

I know why I can write fast and furious, and why knocking out 1500 to 5000 words in a sitting is easy.  All the education.  Not that I learned anything, just the sheer amount of it.  I had to force myself to write long ass essays and papers on deadlines, so now doing it is easy, since now it is for me and I enjoy it.  Still doesn’t make it good.

I know why I am able to share my work freely.  I have no shits to give.  You like it, cool.  You don’t, tell me why.  You don’t and give me shit, then fuck off.  I could care less if people hate what I write.  I am able to take criticism and critiques and ignore asshats.

behold-the-field-in-which-i-grow-my-fucks-lay-22772104

This, I find, is the most liberating.  Not saying it don’t sting a bit, but whatever I can live.  But in regards to the less suckage of the words I write, I cannot pinpoint when that changed.  And most likely never will. Then again not giving a shit about what others think is a huge win.  A lot of the “advice” one gets in pursuit of a degree is to “not take it personally” when pieces are rejected or harsh words given.  I mean that is good advice in general, but my thought has always been if you react adversely to saying something you create is no good, why are you writing?  This can apply to most creative things though.

We can’t write classics every time, shit most of us will never even write one.  I have no illusions about what I write.  I am not setting out to do a Gatsby or 1984.  Could I create one?  I think I have the ability too, but I doubt I ever will.  Cause I like the more light hearted stuff, not so much when it comes to messages but in the whole package.  I can write about headier issues and all that, but in a much simpler way.

My target is simple, can my kid read it, understand it, and be entertained by it?  If yes, then goal.  I am not writing for awards or all the elitist shit.  I write for me.  If I can make some dollar signs off it, cool, if not, oh well and even if I do I wouldn’t mind just enough to get a nice dinner.  Not everyone can “make it”, getting six figure advances and selling movie rights.  It would be cool, but I am aiming low, both in quality and goals.  No need to be self-delusional.

That doesn’t mean I won’t strive to become better and better at the craft, I just have to be reasonable in my approach and chug along the path I have set for myself.

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